Fear is an often hidden and unspoken part of widowhood. It can sit beneath the grief, the exhaustion, the practical chaos and the sudden loneliness and yet it shapes daily life in ways widows rarely feel able to articulate. This blog explores what fear looks like after loss, how it impacts everyday living, why it shows up so fiercely and some gentle ways to navigate it.

What fears do we experience in widowhood?

Fear during widowhood is more than just the sensation of being scared of something. It is a deep and instinctive response to losing the person who made us feel safe and made our world feel predictable and shared.

Whether you’re a young widow entering the first year of widowhood, or a widow who’s a little further into their grief journey - the loss of a spouse can be utterly devastating and there are so many different fears that can surface:

• fear or mistrust of the world around us
• fear of our feelings - of the intensity, pain and overwhelm we’re experiencing
• fear of the u...

 Although I specialise in widowhood, my work frequently brings me into contact with people navigating many forms of loss including the death of a parent, a sibling, a friend or a child sometimes due to mental ill health, suicide or terminal illness. Over time, I’ve seen that while the shape of grief varies, the need for compassion, recognition and community remains the same. That’s why, in this blog, I am stepping beyond my widow-specific experiences to reflect and honour the full landscape of grief, by shining a spotlight on the various grief or bereavement-related awareness days, weeks and months that run throughout the year. 

They give us space to acknowledge the full spectrum of loss and to stand with anyone living through it, including widows whose stories contain many layers of grief. These moments in the calendar are not just symbolic; they deepen understanding, spark conversation, and remind us that grief is universal - even though its expressions are deeply personal.

JANUARY...

In September 2016 I lost my husband, Simon. And, over the past nearly 10 years, as I have grappled with this hugely traumatic event, I have come to realise how much we can learn from the seasons - how much they teach us about our grief journey and ourselves. And none more so than spring - a time when the earth awakens from its wintry slumber, nature comes back to life and the world around us transforms. It has become a hugely meaningful and symbolic time for me. 

In this blog, I want to consider how spring can act as a powerful catalyst for widows - encouraging us to explore ideas of personal growth, renewal and new beginnings, and think about how we can support ourselves through our grief. Although our grief can feel challenging during the springtime, it offers us an invaluable opportunity for post-traumatic growth, a chance to reframe our grief, look forward and consider what we want from our future and how we might achieve it.

Winter - a metaphor for our grief

Winter is a powerfu...

As the world celebrates the courage, progress and resilience of women this International Women’s Day, I find myself reflecting on the bravery and inner strength of millions of widows across the globe. Women, who rise every day, dig deep and set foot into a world they barely recognise - a world that cruelly strips them of their confidence, their identity and their purpose.

Part of my role as a widow coach is to support widows to reclaim their future, to think about a life beyond their loss, rediscover their sense of purpose and gain clarity on how they wish to show up in the world.

In this blog, I want to begin by looking at how widowhood triggers an identity crisis and a significant loss of purpose and confidence. I’ll then move on to consider how this loss can in time present us with an opportunity to explore new beginnings. 

One of the things I have come to realise following the passing of my husband almost 10 years ago, is that as painful and soul-destroying as grief is, this she...

What is grief exhaustion?

Unlike normal tiredness that often disappears with sufficient rest and adequate sleep, grief exhaustion is a far more intense and pervasive fatigue. Following the loss of a spouse, our entire world is up-ended and we’re thrust into a deeply painful and unfamiliar existence. As we grapple with all that is thrown at us, our body and mind can often feel under constant attack, leaving us feeling empty and hollowed out. And, with zero time to recover, we can enter into a state of burn out, which no amount of sleep or rest can fix.

How does grief exhaustion show up?

Grief exhaustion can manifest in several different ways - physically, mentally and socially. Whether we experience a range of these symptoms, or just a handful, they can nonetheless feel incredibly overwhelming. 

Physically

Grief exhaustion can decimate our physical health, leaving us weakened, depleted and unwell. It is often characterised by an intense and unrelenting fatigue and loss of energy...

What is ‘widow brain’?
 

Following the loss of a spouse, we’re plunged into a world of chaos and intense, unyielding pain. Our grief envelopes us and we’re swamped by a mixture of feelings: sadness, anger, guilt and confusion, to name just a few. Alongside this emotional upheaval, many widows have also reported experiencing a range of short-term cognitive challenges including difficulty concentrating, slow or poor decision-making, memory deficits, exhaustion and a general mental cloudiness. 

Such a loss of cognitive function has come to be known as ‘widow brain’ or ‘widow fog’. Whilst not a medical diagnosis, it is a credible and widely recognised set of cognitive challenges that can accompany the trauma of grief. Widow brain can feel utterly devastating. Adding to the emotional turmoil and physical toll that grief takes on us, the sudden and often unexpected decline in our cognitive abilities can feel like a cruel sucker-punch. This blog will explore how widow brain shows up, the sci...

There are certain days in the year that feel especially challenging as a widow. Birthdays, holiday festivities, anniversaries - and Valentine’s Day. 

Whether we’re avoiding the card aisle in the supermarket, skipping over the romantic dramas on television, or turning down the Valentine’s playlist on the radio, this time of year can feel like hard work. Surrounded by happy couples in love, Valentine’s Day and the lead-up to it can highlight our loss, deepen our pain and cause us to retreat further within ourselves.

In this blog, I’ll explore why Valentine’s Day often feels particularly challenging, why the emotions that surface during this time are valid and how we can learn to  support ourselves through this difficult date.

 Why is Valentine’s Day so tough for widows?

1) Bad timing 

 We’ve just about survived the winter holidays. Christmas and New Year are behind us and we’re nearly through the darkness and gloominess of  January. And just as we feel ready to start venturing ou...

  As widows, the holiday season can feel really tough. Exuberant faces revelling in the joy, hope and optimism that this time of year brings, can sit sharply in contrast to the pain and emptiness we feel. 

Whilst we may have made it through Christmas unscathed, hibernating when we can and choosing how, when and with whom we engage, the beginning of a new year brings with it its own pressures.

As the invites to New Year’s Eve parties roll in, so do the expectations to look forward, make plans for the coming year and set bold resolutions. And yet, as widows, this is the very last thing we want to do. For, as we sit with the heaviness of our grief, for many of us,  the new year feels unmapped and overwhelming - often reminding us of all that we have lost  - our partner, our identity, our security and often our sense of purpose and direction. 

So, how do we navigate the new year? As widows, how do we manage the heaviness of our loss and transition into the next year in a more productive...

The holiday season is just around the corner and whilst for many people Christmas is a time filled with joy, love, laughter and togetherness, this time of year can be especially difficult for widows. Whether it’s our first Christmas without our spouse or partner or we’re a little further on in our grief journey, the festive period brings our grief into sharper focus and can make us feel more alienated and alone.

So how do we survive the sparkle and show up during the festive season in a way that honours our feelings and ensures we feel comfortable? This blog will explore the predicament that confronts widows over the Christmas and the New Year period and provide some tips that may help us navigate this difficult time with greater peace and authenticity.

The dilemma we face

As Christmas rolls round, with it comes a slew of holiday traditions including the steady stream of invites to various Christmas get-togethers - from office parties to Christmas Eve drinks and gift-giving evenings...

The loss of a life partner can catapult us into a world of unrelenting pain and enormous uncertainty. As we’re forced to navigate this new and intensely overwhelming chapter of our lives, just surviving can feel impossible let alone the idea of embracing hope and healing in widowhood. But as difficult as healing, indeed surviving can feel, it’s our responsibility - and ours alone. No-one else is going to do it for us. And so no matter how fractured and devastated we feel, at some point we need to confront our grief and work through it. 

Although grief is a uniquely personal experience and everyone navigates it differently, there are things we can do as widows that will accelerate our journey towards hope, healing and happiness. In this blog, I’ll identify four of these strategies and explore how they can help us to ease our grief and re-engage with life once more.

Taking charge of our grief is not easy. It requires immense strength, resilience and courage. But if we choose to tackle ...