On Sunday 11th September 2016 our world fell apart. I lost my husband, and my children lost their dad. Simon was a strong, witty, loyal man full of integrity. He was a wonderful father, husband, son, brother and friend.
The shock and devastation left us in complete turmoil. I didn’t know how life would continue – or even if I wanted it to sometimes. It just felt too hard and utterly impossible. Through all of this I had to try and comprehend what had happened, figure out how best to support my grieving children and to get up every morning and face a life I hadn’t planned nor wanted. There was suddenly a gaping hole in my life. The pain, the sadness and the despair were overwhelming, physically and emotionally. I was scared, vulnerable and also lonely.
Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day we kept going, rebuilding our new lives as a three. We laughed and we cried. We fought and we loved. I felt invincible one minute and then on my knees the next. Grief is a rollercoaster ride, and it is exhausting. However, from the minute Simon died, I made a vow that this would not define mine or my childrens’ lives in a negative way forever. We were not going to be victims. It was now my job to make sure that we weren’t just okay, but that we were able to flourish.
I initially had counselling to help me make sense of my emotions, but I found I needed something more, something different – something to help me move forward with my life. So, I signed up with a life coach. This was the best decision I ever made. I worked on my mindset, values, gratitude, stress, diet, exercise, sleep…….. the list goes on. I’ve had to learn not to quit when things get tough, to develop a ‘can do’ attitude, to worry less about what others think of me and to not fight the inevitable change to my life that I feared so much.
I was holding myself back in so many ways. Ultimately, I’ve gained clarity, purpose and a love of life again. I still miss Simon like nothing else on earth, but i’ve built a life around his loss. I know that the hurt will never go away, but that it’s now a part of me and my new life – and that’s ok. Since then, I’ve learned so much about myself and I’ve realised I’m capable of so much more than I dreamed possible.
Now, a few years down the line, I have trained as a grief and loss coach, specialising in widowhood. It is now my passion to help other widows find their new way, gain clarity, overcome fears, build confidence and to create a life they desire. I want to help widows see that even though they have been through hell, they have it within them to move forward in a positive way, identifying and fulfilling their ambitions.
It all just starts with a decision!