Grief is unbearably heavy. It consumes us. It decimates our lives and it can bring us to our knees. And sadly, when faced with such intolerable pain, there is no ‘one size fits all’ guide map, no magic wand that grants us instant relief and no sure-fire way to feel better.

But, during my own journey through widowhood, I have learnt that there are three things we can do to help ourselves grieve more positively and more constructively and that will ultimately determine how well we do in life after loss.

In the following blog I will identify these factors and explore how they can help us to steer our grief, influence our ability to find peace, love and happiness and support our search to create something truly meaningful after loss.

# 1 Establish and use your support systems

One of the biggest determinants of how well we fare during our grief is how fully and openly we embrace our support systems. Yes, the responsibility for...

When a loved one dies, we are plunged into a state of grief, which can cause a huge stress response in our bodies. During this time, as we deal with relentless exhaustion, overwhelm and sadness, food often becomes an emotional crutch and sensible dietary choices slip down our list of priorities. Processed food and takeaways commonly become our go-to meal choices, alcohol becomes a welcome numbing agent and before long, unhealthy habits have unconsciously seeped into our daily lives.

In a recent podcast, I caught up with Sabine Horner, a registered nutritionist and herself a widow, who shared with me her insights on the link between grief and nutrition, the importance of self-love during our bereavement journeys and how what we put into our bodies can either help or hinder our recovery.

This blog will examine these ideas in more detail, looking specifically at the grief-gut connection, as well as the various types of food those grieving should try and eat to support their physical...

Grief. Many people think they know what it looks like and how it’s going to manifest. They’ve read depictions in books and seen it portrayed in films. They may even have seen someone go through it. They understand it to be a world of devastation, despair and heartache.

However, in truth, an individual’s journey through grief is far more nuanced. It can give rise to a multitude of feelings, many of which can cause intense conflict, overwhelm and confusion. 

Unfortunately, rather than recognising these feelings as a necessary part of their healing, and as an essential part of the human experience, they are commonly viewed as ‘problems’ to be solved. From such a perspective, people often resort to judging, criticising and creating shame around their feelings, resulting in them being pushed away and ignored.

A useful analogy to consider is grief as a river. Those that grieve, have to learn to travel this river and navigate their feelings. However as...

Looking after our own basic needs in grief is often overlooked. We’re so tired, sad and lonely that we don’t see just how important it is to make sure our basic needs are met. 

In this article I want to highlight to you four key areas that are important to your healing journey. They’re not obvious, especially when you’re in the depths of grief. When your brain is overwhelmed with everything you have to deal with, your fundamental needs can be forgotten. 

By reading this article, I hope you’ll begin to understand how important these four key areas are to your healing journey. Hopefully, you’ll start taking steps in each area so that you’re more equipped to deal with the grief you’re going through. 

#1 Get plenty of sleep 

When we lose someone we love, we are unable at times to meet those basic human needs. This is because we’re completely overwhelmed and exhausted. 

This is why the first key area important...

On Sunday 11th September 2016 I woke up as normal, not knowing that my life was about to change forever. I lost my husband, Simon, and my children lost a wonderful and loving father. The next few years of my life have been a turbulent mix of ups, downs and every emotion in between. During this time, I worked with a coach to help me process what I’d been through and work out what I wanted to do with my life. This was so transformative that in 2019 I decided to train to become a break-up and bereavement coach myself. I wanted people to benefit from all of the amazing support that I had received and more. So, for those of you that are interested in Widow coaching, or want to understand its benefits, here are some of the ways that Widow coaching can help you following the death of a loved one.

WHAT IS WIDOW COACHING?

You may be asking, ‘What is Widow coaching?’ Well, first of all, Widow coaching is not counselling. I am not a qualified therapist or counsellor.

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When my husband died a lot of people said to me, ‘the first year is the worst, just get through that’ So, I did. I worked day in and day out, living with grief, doing my best to ‘get through,’ believing that once the first year was over everything would be so much easier. But when the second year came around, I found myself thinking, ‘Well, what now?’ I didn’t feel the relief I imagined I would. I had been so busy, living day by day that I found myself at a bit of a loss for what to do next.

Furthermore, I was still in a state of total grief and heartbreak. The thought of going through another year like the last one filled me with fear, But I had made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to become a victim of my loss. I knew I had to start building a new life around it, but I just didn’t know where to start. I had totally lost my purpose and my drive. That’s why I call the second year after bereavement the Second Year...

After my husband suddenly died following a heart attack, the first thing I had to do was tell my children, they were nine and five at the time. But learning how to talk to my children about death didn’t end here. Talking to children about bereavement is an ongoing process that I’m still working through. However, through this experience, as well as through becoming one of the UK’s first bereavement coaches, I’ve learnt so much about how to help children understand bereavement. So, if you’re wondering how to talk to children about death, here’s some of my best advice.

BE FACTUAL

Coming from a midwifery and nursing background, I know that when giving people bad news you’re supposed to be factual. Don’t fluff things up and use terms like ‘passed away’ or ‘gone to sleep’. However, when it came to telling my own children their dad had died I instinctively wanted to protect them and soften the news. Although in reality...

Christmas is a magical time of the year, people are jolly, there’s parties every weekend and everything looks so pretty! This is great if things in life are going well for you but, if you’re widowed and grieving the loss of a life partner, it can feel like the most awful time of the year. So, I thought I’d write a few little ideas to help you make this season feel a little more manageable after losing a loved one.

1. AVOID COMPARISONS

Christmas after losing a loved one feels daunting. You have no energy or enthusiasm, and the fact that everyone else appears to be having the time of their lives makes you feel so alone, envious and generally pretty rubbish.

However, the first piece of advice I would give is to stop comparing. Of course, on the surface it may seem like everyone is having the most romantic, magical Christmas ever. The photos on social media are filled with smiling faces and pretty lights, couples are walking around holding hands and the world feels...

In this article we will discuss why change is so challenging and how to overcome the barriers holding us back from sustainable change. Whether it is forced upon us or we decide to make it for ourselves we often battle with the thoughts and processes involved in changing lifestyles and habits.

There are a million reasons as to why we don’t take that first step towards change and they are all understandable, but honestly, they’re just excuses, they’re the stories we tell ourselves to justify not doing something.

#1 NEGATIVE BIAS?

Before we start it’s important to understand that our brains have a negative bias, negative events have more of an impact on us than positive ones and this can have a powerful effect on your behaviour, decisions and relationships.

We have a natural tendency to develop a victim mindset, we remember traumatic experiences more than positive ones, think about negative things more often than positive and we respond more strongly to negative...

I have had many conversations about this recently, It’s a big question, and I want to take this opportunity to explore it within my own story.

What does grief mean and how long can it last?

Is there an end point?

Does it disappear?

Do we reach a place where we are no longer grieving?

Can we grieve without suffering?

DEFINITION OF GRIEF.

The definition of grief in Collins Dictionary is ‘a feeling of extreme sadness’. The Cambridge English Dictionary define it as ‘very great sadness, especially at the death of someone’.

These definitions could suggest that once the extreme sadness has passed you are no longer grieving. But, do we ever stop feeling extremely sad when we have lost someone we love? Especially if they have been taken too soon!

I have posted about this topic on my social media, and have had mixed responses, understandably. Grief leaves us feeling bereft and exhausted in the early days, the raw emotions we feel consume every corner of our...