Feeling stuck in our grief is something many of us who have lost a loved one have experienced. Struggling under the crushing hopelessness of daily life, feeling trapped in a world in which we are unable to process our loss or build any momentum for the future – life can feel bleak and heavy. As our motivation to grasp and reshape our lives ebbs away and is replaced by a crippling sorrow, we might find ourselves more irritable, more irrational and more prone to overreaction. It may affect our ability to do our job, to parent our children and to hold relationships with those closest to us. However, whilst this can feel debilitating, it need not be permanent. 

In this blog, I will explain that whilst feeling stuck in grief is a natural part of the grieving process, there are ways in which you can release yourself from this inertia and create movement in your journey. I will explain how developing acceptance, lowering expectations, avoiding unhelpful comparisons with others and embracing ...

Many people have asked me what grief coaching is and how it can help those struggling with loss. I myself had these questions when I entered the world of coaching. But before we delve a little deeper into just what it is, here’s what it isn’t: grief coaching isn’t counselling or therapy. I am not a trained counsellor nor am I a qualified therapist. I cannot help you navigate your way through deeply rooted trauma or severe mental ill health. 

However, what I can do is help you through your grieving process. I can provide a combination of emotional and practical support when one of the most unimaginably devastating things you could ever face, actually happens. I can help you to work out where you are right now, where you want to be and identify the practical steps you can take to get there. I won’t tell you what to do, I won’t patronise you and although we will talk about what has happened, I won’t encourage you to dwell on the past – for grief coaching is ultimately about helping you t...

Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘happiness is a choice’? Have you ever been told, in the midst of your grief that you can ‘choose to be happy’, as if it’s actually a choice we have, as if during our grief, we can suddenly flick a switch and just be happy. Such sentiments however well-meaning, oversimplify the nature and complexities of grief and underestimate just how powerful a force it is. Those of us that are grieving want to be happy. Desperately. We want to wake up and feel free from the crushing weight we’ve been under. We want to get through each day and not feel like hiding away from the rest of the world. We are not deliberately choosing to be sad. However, as much as we want to choose to be happy, sometimes we just can’t. Grief is heavy and raw and it can smother us. And working through it takes extraordinary time, effort and attention.

However, whilst choosing to be happy is not something we necessarily have control over, and whilst there are many other things in life that ...

 Grief can be difficult to comprehend and explain. As such, using analogies can often help to unpick this topic. The four seasons is one such analogy. It provides a helpful framework within which grief can be better understood. Just as the seasons change, so during grief do our emotions, desires and energy levels fluctuate. The seasons can also affect our mood and our motivation as well as drive specific behaviours.

The following blog will focus on the seasonal nature of grief by exploring how autumn, winter, spring and summer reflect various stages of our grief journey. It will look at how the seasons not only influence our emotions but also present us with invaluable opportunities for self-care and healing.

Autumn

In many respects autumn is considered one of our more beautiful seasons, with the air turning crisp and the trees exploding into colour – ablaze with vibrant orange, red and yellow hues. However, during grief, autumn can feel less captivating and instead feel heavy and f...

Grief is unbearably heavy. It consumes us. It decimates our lives and it can bring us to our knees. And sadly, when faced with such intolerable pain, there is no ‘one size fits all’ guide map, no magic wand that grants us instant relief and no sure-fire way to feel better.

But, during my own journey through widowhood, I have learnt that there are three things we can do to help ourselves grieve more positively and more constructively and that will ultimately determine how well we do in life after loss.

In the following blog I will identify these factors and explore how they can help us to steer our grief, influence our ability to find peace, love and happiness and support our search to create something truly meaningful after loss.

# 1 Establish and use your support systems

One of the biggest determinants of how well we fare during our grief is how fully and openly we embrace our support systems. Yes, the responsibility for healing after loss, ultimately rests on our shoulders. Sadly...

When a loved one dies, we are plunged into a state of grief, which can cause a huge stress response in our bodies. During this time, as we deal with relentless exhaustion, overwhelm and sadness, food often becomes an emotional crutch and sensible dietary choices slip down our list of priorities. Processed food and takeaways commonly become our go-to meal choices, alcohol becomes a welcome numbing agent and before long, unhealthy habits have unconsciously seeped into our daily lives.

In a recent podcast, I caught up with Sabine Horner, a registered nutritionist and herself a widow, who shared with me her insights on the link between grief and nutrition, the importance of self-love during our bereavement journeys and how what we put into our bodies can either help or hinder our recovery.

This blog will examine these ideas in more detail, looking specifically at the grief-gut connection, as well as the various types of food those grieving should try and eat to support their physical and...

Grief. Many people think they know what it looks like and how it’s going to manifest. They’ve read depictions in books and seen it portrayed in films. They may even have seen someone go through it. They understand it to be a world of devastation, despair and heartache.

However, in truth, an individual’s journey through grief is far more nuanced. It can give rise to a multitude of feelings, many of which can cause intense conflict, overwhelm and confusion. 

Unfortunately, rather than recognising these feelings as a necessary part of their healing, and as an essential part of the human experience, they are commonly viewed as ‘problems’ to be solved. From such a perspective, people often resort to judging, criticising and creating shame around their feelings, resulting in them being pushed away and ignored.

A useful analogy to consider is grief as a river. Those that grieve, have to learn to travel this river and navigate their feelings. However as painful and difficult feelings surfac...

Looking after our own basic needs in grief is often overlooked. We’re so tired, sad and lonely that we don’t see just how important it is to make sure our basic needs are met. 

In this article I want to highlight to you four key areas that are important to your healing journey. They’re not obvious, especially when you’re in the depths of grief. When your brain is overwhelmed with everything you have to deal with, your fundamental needs can be forgotten. 

By reading this article, I hope you’ll begin to understand how important these four key areas are to your healing journey. Hopefully, you’ll start taking steps in each area so that you’re more equipped to deal with the grief you’re going through. 

#1 Get plenty of sleep 

When we lose someone we love, we are unable at times to meet those basic human needs. This is because we’re completely overwhelmed and exhausted. 

This is why the first key area important to your healing journey, is sleep. Without sleep, we cannot cope, function o...

On Sunday 11th September 2016 I woke up as normal, not knowing that my life was about to change forever. I lost my husband, Simon, and my children lost a wonderful and loving father. The next few years of my life have been a turbulent mix of ups, downs and every emotion in between. During this time, I worked with a coach to help me process what I’d been through and work out what I wanted to do with my life. This was so transformative that in 2019 I decided to train to become a break-up and bereavement coach myself. I wanted people to benefit from all of the amazing support that I had received and more. So, for those of you that are interested in Widow coaching, or want to understand its benefits, here are some of the ways that Widow coaching can help you following the death of a loved one.

What is Widow Coaching?

You may be asking, ‘What is Widow coaching?’ Well, first of all, Widow coaching is not counselling. I am not a qualified therapist or counsellor.

Widow coaching is mostly a...

When my husband died a lot of people said to me, ‘the first year is the worst, just get through that’ So, I did. I worked day in and day out, living with grief, doing my best to ‘get through,’ believing that once the first year was over everything would be so much easier. But when the second year came around, I found myself thinking, ‘Well, what now?’ I didn’t feel the relief I imagined I would. I had been so busy, living day by day that I found myself at a bit of a loss for what to do next.

Furthermore, I was still in a state of total grief and heartbreak. The thought of going through another year like the last one filled me with fear, But I had made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to become a victim of my loss. I knew I had to start building a new life around it, but I just didn’t know where to start. I had totally lost my purpose and my drive. That’s why I call the second year after bereavement the Second Year Slump!

So, as one of the UK’s first bereavement coaches, here’s...