Understanding and Easing the Physical Symptoms of Grief

When we think about grief, we often focus on the emotional toll that it places on us - the intense sorrow that throws our thoughts, behaviours and feelings into a tailspin. However, what we appear to have less understanding about are the physical symptoms of grief and the profound impact that grief has on our physical health. The physical pain we experience when we lose someone can often take us by surprise. It can add another layer of suffering onto our existing emotional trauma and can feel very frightening and confusing. In this blog, I’ll explore why we experience physical pain or discomfort during grief. I’ll identify the ways in which grief shows up in our bodies and share some tips on how we can ease these physical symptoms.

Why we experience physical pain during grief

During grief, especially those early stages, when our despair is so raw, our bodies enter into an intense and prolonged stress response, during which our sympathetic nervous system - essentially our threat detection system - is activated and we move into a state of ‘fight or flight’. As cortisol and adrenaline course through our veins, our bodies are put under immense pressure. As Bessel Van der Kolk explains in his book, ‘The Body Keeps The Score’, trauma entirely reshapes our brain and body, affecting our organs and how they function. Whilst a stress response is useful for helping us detect and avoid danger, remaining in a stressed state for too long disrupts our body’s normal functioning  - exacerbating existing conditions and triggering new ones.

How grief shows up in our bodies

Chest pain

During grief, the stress hormone cortisol can cause our blood vessels to narrow and either slow or stop the flow of blood to our hearts, which can lead to chest tightening and shortness of breath. Severe emotional distress such as grief can also trigger Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, otherwise known as, ‘broken heart syndrome’, a condition characterised by sudden and intense chest pain or pressure. This condition involves the heart’s pumping chamber (the left ventricle) changing shape, which can lead to the heart pumping blood around the body less effectively. As frightening as this may feel, it’s often only a temporary condition, lasting a few days or weeks.

However, remaining in a stress response for long periods of time can tighten our blood vessels and increase our blood pressure and heart rate, which can in turn, increase the risk of a heart attack. As such, if at any time you experience chest pain or any symptoms of a heart attack, please seek medical assistance immediately. Don’t put it down to grief and assume it will pass. If it doesn’t feel right - get it checked out.

Weakened immune system 

Research has shown that when we grieve, our increased stress levels cause our immune cell function to fall, leading to a suppressed or weakened immune system. This can leave us more susceptible to infection, which is why we may find ourselves coming down with coughs, colds and other viruses far more often when we experience loss. Eating to look and heal ourselves at this stage is important - read my post on grief and nutrition here.

Increased inflammation

Studies have shown that if our levels of cortisol are chronically elevated our inflammatory markers also increase, which can exacerbate existing immune system diseases such as arthritis, fibromyalgia, lupus and inflammatory bowel disease. Increased inflammation during grief can also lead to a noticeable increase in muscle tightening and tension in our joints as well as general aches and pains such as backache, shoulder pain and headaches. It can also trigger pain in our hips – which become a storage vessel for our emotions and trauma. Our psoas muscles which are located either side of our spine and run from our lower back to our groin, are involved in our fight or flight response and when we’re in a state of stress or trauma, they respond by contracting and storing tension. 

Digestive issues

Have you ever wondered why, during grief, we lose our appetite and are simply unable to eat? It’s because grief is perceived by our bodies as a threat and as our fight or flight response kicks in, blood is diverted away from our digestive system towards our limbs and heart - so not only do we lose interest in eating, but we also have little energy for it. Without enough blood to break down food, it can sit unprocessed in our stomachs, causing bloating, gas and nausea.

Ongoing trauma such as grief can also alter our gut microbiome. Our gut is made up of a huge number of microorganisms such as bacteria, fungi and viruses that sit in our digestive tract and play a key role in absorbing nutrients from food and protecting us against toxic pathogens. Prolonged high levels of cortisol can disrupt the composition and functionality of our microbiome causing bloating, irregular bowel movements and stomach pain.

Fatigue

Grief quite simply is exhausting. When we lose someone, we often become locked in a relentless battle with our emotions  - from guilt to anger and despair to confusion, our minds never switch off and we often reach the end of the day lacking energy and feeling depleted. Add to this the loneliness and intrusive thoughts that envelop us when we climb into bed alone at night and it’s perhaps unsurprising that this emotional exhaustion and overwhelm can disrupt our sleeping patterns, cause insomnia or lead us to over-sleep.

Easing the physical symptoms of grief

Whilst not everyone who grieves will experience all of these symptoms, at some point during our grieving process, most of us will experience some of them. There are however things we can do - simple changes that we can make that will enable us to better support our bodies through grief.

Eat a balanced diet

Fuelling our bodies in the right way is key to soothing our digestive system, boosting our mood and ensuring we have enough energy to work through our grief. However, keeping on top of our diet is often the last thing we think about when we’re emotionally drained. In fact, even if we have an appetite, ordering a takeaway or reaching for the nearest junk food in the cupboard is often far easier than preparing a freshly-cooked meal.

However, there are small steps you can take to eat more healthily and nourish your body.

• Ask friends and family to help with the grocery shopping or even ask them to come over and help prepare the meal with you, if you feel up for company. 
• Include protein in every meal where possible, as this will help to keep you fuller for longer.
• Start to add portions of fruit, vegetables, nuts and pulses to your meals as these are great sources of fibre, which will aid digestion and also satisfy your hunger pangs.
• Try to replace highly processed sugars with small amounts of natural sugars such as raw honey, maple syrup and dried fruit.
• Aim to drink eight glasses of water a day. Water is essential for a healthy, functioning gut. It helps to produce stomach acid which activates digestive enzymes and it keeps food moving through our digestive system. And drinking warm water, (water that’s been boiled and cooled) unlike cold water, won’t constrict our digestive systems.

Prioritise rest

When we’re navigating grief, getting enough sleep is crucial. It helps us to regulate our emotions, think more clearly and improve our processing skills. However deep and restful sleep can feel impossible when we’re wracked with anxiety and dealing with a new, uncertain future.

Whilst there are no quick fixes to improving your sleep, there are things you could try. 

• Establish a bedtime routine that focuses on relaxation - whether that’s soaking in a warm bath, engaging in some mindful meditation or listening to some soothing music. Find out what works for you and try to do it consistently.
• Assess your sleeping environment. Is your mattress comfortable enough? Is your room a relaxing and tranquil space to fall asleep in? Is it the right temperature? During the turmoil and chaos of grief, our bedroom can become our sanctuary, a safe space within which we relax, unwind and get the rest our bodies crave.
• Consider making small lifestyle changes. From reducing caffeine to avoiding spicy and fatty foods and limiting screen-time before bed, these little tweaks to our lifestyle can make a big difference to the quality of our sleep.

Move your body

Physical activity is a great way to counteract the effect of stress hormones. It helps to boost the production of endorphins - feel-good chemicals released by our brain, which are a natural pain reliever. It also aids sleep, can ease chronic inflammatory conditions and can benefit your immune system too. Now by physical activity, I don’t necessarily mean running marathons, embarking on extensive cardiovascular workouts or taking up open water swimming. I mean, quite simply - moving your body. Whether you enjoy walking in nature, dancing, yoga, pilates or even a bit of gentle gardening - moving your body in a way that’s enjoyable, raises your heart rate and that you can commit to doing consistently is the most important thing. Therapies like somatic yoga can be a particularly powerful form of movement, as they can help to unlock trauma from our bodies. For example, gentle hip-opening yoga exercises can help to release tension from our psoas muscles. It’s worth noting that somatic yoga can cause emotions to resurface, so when engaging in this type of exercise, it’s worth having someone with you for support and to ensure you undertake sessions with a trained and experienced yoga professional.

Meditation and breathwork 

Meditation and breathwork are both incredibly simple yet powerful self-care tools that allow us to pull back from the turmoil and chaos that comes with grief, slow down and focus on what our bodies need.

Whether it’s for 5 minutes in the morning before we get out of bed, or for 10 minutes after our bath in the evening - meditation can soothe our bodies by helping us to release the tension and stiffness we’re holding in our joints and muscles and improve blood circulation. From body-scanning to visualisations, meditation can also calm our sympathetic nervous system and alter our perceptions of pain, making it a useful tool in tackling chronic pain conditions such as arthritis and fibromyalgia. There are several excellent apps that offer guided meditations including Karma, Headspace and Insight Timer, all designed to support us to build restorative, meditative practice into our daily lives.

Breathwork is a tool that’s always at our fingertips. It doesn’t require huge amounts of time or for you to be physically fit and it’s something you can do in situ. When we grieve, our bodies become a vessel that holds all of our trauma and emotional pain. As stress starts to build up, we collect tension in our muscles, our chest starts to hurt and we may find our heart rate and blood pressure rise. Giving yourself a minute to sit still and take some long, deep breaths, will help to kickstart our parasympathetic nervous system. Box breathing, which involves breathing in for four seconds, holding for four, breathing out for four and holding for four, can be done wherever you are and whenever you feel symptoms of a panic attack or stress. You’ll start to feel your shoulders drop, the tension ebb away and your heart rate begin to slow. There really are so many different types of breathwork patterns to try - it’s just a question of finding the right one for you.

Reach out for support

Whether it’s a grief counsellor, a peer support group, a family member, friends or colleagues - finding a support system that works for us during our grief journey, is going to be game-changing. Finding our tribe - our community of people who we can lean on, connect with and learn from creates an irreplaceable sense of belonging and gives us the strength we need to work through our emotions and heal. And, as we connect and resonate with those who have walked the same path as us, we begin to move out of a stress response and into a place of greater serenity, which ultimately has a positive effect on our bodies. If you think you may be interested in joining a support group, check out my ‘Remember’ membership, where members come together three or four times a month to discuss a range of topics, share their wins and find support with their challenges. 

Seek medical advice

You, more than anyone else, know your body. You know what feels normal and what doesn’t. So, if when you’re grieving, you experience something that worries you or that just feels different, please seek medical advice and attention straight away. Don’t put it off or try and ignore it as this will only prolong the symptoms and the concern.

Conclusion

Grief is one of the most traumatic and challenging processes we will ever experience in life. And in addition to the emotional fallout of losing someone, we also experience a huge physical response, which can feel frightening and overwhelming. However, just as we need to deal with our thoughts, feelings and behaviours during grief, we also need to address the way in which grief affects our physical health. The human body is clever. The physical symptoms we experience are our body’s way of telling us what’s wrong.  By being attentive to these symptoms and prioritising our self-care, we can learn to support and nurture our bodies and help them to move from a state of stress to one of relaxation, balance and safety.