Solo vs single parenting - why the difference matters
Words matter. They shape how we see ourselves, how others understand our experiences, and how support is offered. While the terms single parent and solo parent are often used interchangeably, they don't always describe the same reality. And, for widows raising children, the distinction can be profound.
This blog explores the distinction between single and solo parenting and why it matters particularly for widowed parents. It is not about ranking experiences, creating divisions, or suggesting that widowhood is harder than separation, divorce, or any other form of parenting alone. Every family's circumstances are different, and every parenting journey brings its own challenges.
Rather, this conversation is about recognition and understanding. For many widowed parents, the term solo parent more accurately reflects the reality of raising children without a co-parent while also navigating the lifelong impact of bereavement. The distinction matters not because one experience is more difficult than another, but because it acknowledges that it is different. By exploring the language we use, we can better recognise the unique complexities of parenting through loss, foster greater understanding of grief and help widowed parents feel more fully seen, understood and supported.
What is a single parent?
Traditionally, a single parent is someone raising a child without a spouse or partner living at home and sharing day-to-day parenting duties. This can happen for many reasons, including divorce, separation, or choosing to parent independently.
Many single mothers and single fathers share parenting responsibilities with an ex-partner through co-parenting arrangements. They may receive regular financial support, emotional support, or practical support from their child's other parent and often spend every other weekend and possibly even some time in the week without their children.
However, single parenting is not one fixed experience. It can look very different from one family to another. Importantly, whilst some parents share responsibilities through co-parenting arrangements, others carry the full emotional, practical and financial responsibility because the other parent is no longer present in their child's life.
What is a solo parent and why do some widows prefer this term?
In the early days of my widowhood, people often referred to me as a single parent, and I can understand why. On paper, I fit the definition. I was raising my children without a spouse or partner in the home and with no one to share the day-to-day parenting responsibilities.
However, while the term was technically accurate, it always felt emotionally incomplete. Whilst it described my family structure, it did not fully capture the reality of parenting after bereavement.
For widowed parents, the challenge is not simply that there is no partner at home helping with the children. It is that there is no possibility of that person ever stepping back in. There is no shared custody arrangement, no weekend handover, no opportunity to call the other parent for advice, discuss a difficult decision or share the worries and milestones that come with raising children. And, there is no possibility that circumstances might change or that the parenting relationship could improve in the future. Death has permanently removed the possibility of shared parenting, and that reality shapes every aspect of family life.
This is why many widows identify more strongly with the term solo parent.
A solo parent is someone who has sole responsibility for raising their children because there is no other parent available to share the emotional, practical or decision-making load. Solo parenting is not simply about relationship status; it is about the reality of parenting without a parenting partner.
For some parents, this reality exists because the other parent is physically absent, emotionally unavailable, inconsistent or completely disengaged. For widowed parents, it exists because death has permanently removed the possibility of shared parenting. For widows therefore, solo parenting often means making every parenting decision alone, being solely responsible for the daily needs of their children, managing finances, household responsibilities and emotional support without a co-parent. Significantly, it also means carrying the weight of their own grief while helping their children navigate theirs and keeping their family’s story alive.
Not every widow chooses to describe themselves as a solo parent, and not every solo parent is widowed. The distinction is not really about labels. Rather, it is about recognising that parenting after bereavement combines sole caregiving with profound loss, creating challenges that are often different from those experienced by other single-parent families. Understanding this difference helps to acknowledge both the unique realities of widowed parenting and the resilience required to navigate them every day.
Why the distinction matters
For many widows, the distinction between single parent and solo parent is not just semantics. It can be an important part of making sense of what has happened to us, integrating loss into our identity, and feeling genuinely seen by others.
It acknowledges our bereavement
The term single parent is often used as a broad category that includes divorced, separated, never-partnered, and widowed parents. While useful administratively, it can flatten very different experiences.
For many widows, the distinction between single parent and solo parent matters because it acknowledges that their circumstances were not simply shaped by a change in relationship status, but by the death of someone they loved.
Whilst the term single parent accurately describes a family structure, it does not convey the loss that lies behind it. We may be raising our children alone, but we’re also living with the absence of our partner, co-parent, confidant and teammate. Our children are not simply growing up in a single-parent household; they are growing up without a parent they love and miss.
The term solo parent can feel more meaningful because it recognises this reality. It acknowledges that parenting alone is not the result of a shared decision, a separation, or a co-parenting arrangement. It is the consequence of a profound and permanent loss.
Importantly, it also honours the continuing place of the deceased parent within the family. When Simon died, I didn’t feel I was parenting instead of him, but rather continuing the parenting journey that we began together. Even though he was no longer physically present, he remained an important part of our family conversations, memories, traditions and milestones. The term solo parent therefore recognises both the absence and the enduring significance of the parent who has died.
In this way, the distinction helps keep grief visible. It acknowledges that loss is not a chapter that closes once the funeral is over, but an ongoing part of family life that continues to shape both the surviving parent and the children too.
It reflects the unique responsibilities of parenting after loss
The distinction between single and solo parenting matters because it acknowledges the often unseen realities and unique responsibilities that can accompany raising a child following bereavement. It helps others to understand that, for some parents, there is no co-parent to share the load, no opportunity to turn to the child's other parent for support, and no possibility that this absence will ever change. By recognising this difference, we honour both the invisible labour and the emotional complexity of parenting while carrying the permanent loss of someone deeply loved. It reflects not only the profound challenges that we, as bereaved parents face every day, but also the extraordinary resilience, courage and strength required to guide and nurture our children through life while navigating that enduring absence.
While all parents face challenges and many single parents carry significant responsibilities, widowed parents are often navigating an additional layer of emotional and practical complexity that may not be immediately visible to others. Alongside the everyday demands of raising children, we are living with the reality of an irreplaceable loss. We are confronted with the dual responsibility of supporting their children through grief while managing our own and adapting to a future shaped by a permanent absence.
Much of our time may be spent helping our children process difficult emotions, answering questions about death, preserving memories of their father and finding ways to ensure they remain part of our children’s life and identity.
There is also the emotional weight of experiencing milestones without the person who was expected to be there. Birthdays, school achievements, graduations, holidays and life events can feel bittersweet - bringing both joy and sadness and serving as reminders of who is missing. As the surviving parent we are often left carrying not only our own emotions but also those of our children.
Using the term solo parent can help make these invisible challenges more apparent. It communicates that parenting after bereavement involves more than practical responsibility alone. It reflects the reality of carrying the emotional, mental and logistical load without a parenting partner, whilst simultaneously navigating the lasting impact of loss.
When others understand this reality, whether that be friends, family members, schools, employers or support services, they are often better able to respond with empathy, understanding and appropriate support. And being understood can massively reduce the isolation that we, as bereaved parents, feel.
It supports our changed identity, validation and healing
Perhaps most importantly, the distinction between single and solo parenting can provide a sense of validation and help us make sense of our changed identity.
Bereavement often creates multiple secondary losses. As widows, we’re not only grieving the death of our partner; we’re also grieving the loss of our role as a spouse and a co-parent, the future we imagined for our family, and the version of ourselves that existed before our loss.
In the midst of such significant change, language can matter. The words we use to describe ourselves can help us understand, communicate and make meaning of our experiences. For many widows, the term solo parent feels more authentic because it acknowledges both what has been lost and what is now being carried. It validates the reality of parenting alone whilst recognising the bereavement that sits behind it. It can help us feel seen in a way that a broader label sometimes does not. Rather than being grouped into a category that may not fully reflect our experience, we’re able to choose language that resonates with our lived reality.
And this validation is important because as a widow, we can sometimes feel disenfranchised by our grief. When those around us do not fully understand the challenges and complexities of our loss, it can leave us feeling isolated, unseen and misunderstood. Over time, that sense of disconnection can become overwhelming, and start to adversely impact our mental health. Although being recognised and understood does not remove the pain of loss, it can reduce the loneliness that so often accompanies it. And in a world that often encourages people to move on quickly, being seen and understood can be a powerful part of our healing.
Solo parenting tips
#1. Seek support
Building strong and reliable support systems can significantly help to alleviate the pressure that comes with being a lone parent. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, a close colleague, or even another parent - leaning on those around us for support with childcare is nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about. Solo parenting following the loss of our partner or spouse, can feel relentless, with the responsibility of balancing work, family, and everyday life all resting on our shoulders. Accepting support is not a sign of weakness; it's an important way to protect our wellbeing. Whether it’s help with the food shopping, a bit of batch cooking or picking our child up from school, allowing others to help can provide us with valuable time to rest, recharge and focus on ourselves, enabling us to remain resilient and better equipped to support our child.
#2. Quality time with your child
When we are solo parenting, it can often feel as though every moment is devoted to meeting the needs of others, from school runs and meal preparation to household tasks and bedtime routines. Amid these daily demands, it is important to make time for meaningful moments with our children. Children value connection more than elaborate activities, and even brief periods of focused attention can strengthen our bond with them, create lasting memories and support their emotional wellbeing.
Simple moments, such as chatting on the school run, watching a film together, playing a game or sharing a meal can help us build treasured memories, deepen our relationship with our children and create a sense of security and belonging that lasts long after the moment has passed.
During these moments of connection, you may find your child wants to talk about the loss of their father. While those conversations can feel daunting, creating space for them to share memories, ask questions and express their feelings can help them process their grief. For further guidance around how to broach these conversations, take a look at my blog, ‘How do I talk about death with my child’.
#3. Flexible working
Being able to work flexibly - whether that’s working remotely, compressed hours or working part-time- can really help you to manage the load that comes with parenting alone. Working for an organisation that values employee wellbeing and offers flexibility for family responsibilities might be worth looking into, if this is an option for you, because having the flexibility to prioritise a child’s needs, without fear of employer disapproval, provides invaluable peace of mind.
#4. Self-care
When we're balancing childcare, work, household responsibilities and the endless demands of daily life, all while navigating our own grief and supporting our child through theirs, it can feel impossible to find a moment for ourselves - and self-care is often the first thing we sacrifice. Yet during the most challenging times, it is also when it matters most.
Taking time to recharge is not selfish; it is essential. Whether it's a peaceful walk in nature, a gentle swim or simply curling up to watch the next episode of our favourite box set, these moments of rest can help to restore our strength and keep us moving forward. Give yourself permission to pause. Looking after your own wellbeing is not something to feel guilty about; it's one of the most important things you can do for both yourself and your child.
Conclusion
Ultimately, whether we call ourselves single parents or solo parents is a personal choice. No single term can fully capture the complexity of raising children alone, and every family's circumstance deserves respect and understanding.
For many widowed parents however, the term solo parent feels significant because it acknowledges something that is often overlooked: that parenting after bereavement is shaped not only by responsibility, but also by loss. It recognises the permanence of a co-parent's absence, the ongoing presence of grief within family life and the unique emotional and practical realities that come with raising children after the death of a partner.
This distinction is not about creating divisions or measuring whose challenges are greater. It is about recognising different experiences and allowing people to choose the language that best reflects their reality. Because, when we name our experiences accurately, we create opportunities for greater understanding, compassion and support.
As widows, we did not choose this path, but we walk it every day. We carry the responsibilities of parenting, the weight of our own grief, and the task of helping our children grow while keeping the memory of their parent alive. Whether we identify as single parents, solo parents, or something else entirely, what matters most is that our experiences are recognised and our stories are heard. Because feeling seen does not take away the pain of loss, but it can make the journey feel a little less lonely.
If you're navigating widowhood and would like to feel a little less alone, I invite you to explore my website, where I share more of my own journey and the free support available to help you navigate life after loss. Free Resources
