There is no worse feeling in the world than your loved one being taken away from you, it’s crippling and has many ramifications. No little thing that can help soothe the ache of loneliness and nobody can fill the huge void that person has left behind.
The sheer exhaustion we get when grieving can cause us to back away and retreat into our own little world of grief. I have done it, and I still do sometimes, I just want to be left alone to deal with things in my own way. However, this isn’t always helpful to us and we need to be aware of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Once we are aware of these things, we can start to notice whether or not something is aiding our healing, or hindering it.
Who we choose to spend our time with can either help us feel less lonely, or result in us feeling lonelier. Throughout this blog I will talk about some of the ways you can help yourself feel a little better and to help you on your grieving journey.
In the early days of your grieving journey you will likely be inundated with messages. People will want to reach out and support you by offering their help and advice in any way they can. That in itself can be overwhelming and stressful as we can feel obliged to answer every single message.
Grief is exhausting, you will feel incredibly tired and your head will be going at a million miles per hour. Our energy will be taken up just trying to get through the day, so don’t add more pressure to yourself. Take back the power and do things that make you feel better, don’t worry about pleasing everybody else!
You’ll find in time that you have a core set of friends or family that you naturally turn to. These are the ones who make you feel comfortable. They’ll show no signs of judgement and you’ll be able to be open and honest with them. There will be others who you don’t feel this way with. It can be hard to step away from them but my advice to you is, don’t focus on them.
The number of core people you can rely upon will vary from person to person. You may depend upon people for different things. For example, an exercise buddy and a shopping partner may be two different people. As long as you can be open and honest with these people, that’s all that matters.
We can feel disconnected and like no one understands what we’re going through. It can also be hard to try and explain our grief to friends and family, especially those who haven’t experienced loss themselves. Knowing what brings you comfort or joy and what makes you feel less alone can have a huge impact.
Below are some of the ways that may help you through periods of extreme loneliness:
If you are feeling unsupported and misunderstood then connecting with others in the same situation can help. There are a lot of on-line support groups you can join and knowing you’re not alone in your feelings can help with extreme loneliness.
If you’re being excluded from social events that you’d usually be invited to, speak with your friends. They may think they’re being kind not inviting you, remember, they are trying their best to support you and unless they know what they’re doing is upsetting, they can’t change.
Life is different and so are you and that’s not easy to come to terms with. Whilst you try to process this, don’t expect too much from yourself or others. Essentially you have to take control of your own healing and do what is best for you.
Aimlessly scrolling on social media, especially noticing frustrations can cause you to feel angry. Right now, you need to be focusing on you and your mental health. With that being said, start following positive influencers, coaches and motivational speakers. The more positivity you digest the better you will feel.
From journaling to cycling, whatever helps you express your emotions is positive. This goes hand-in-hand with looking after yourself! Eat well, drink plenty of water, reduce caffeine and alcohol intake and aim for a healthy/balanced diet.
If you don’t sleep everything is so much harder, so make sure you’re getting enough sleep and if you aren’t, then try to find ways to improve this. Nature is incredibly restorative and grounding and will make you feel so much better both physically and mentally, so make sure you’re getting fresh air.
You need to do whatever brings you comfort, so this may be a little bit of trial and error but by noticing ways that help pick you up and avoiding things that bring you down, you’ll start to notice a difference in your mindset.
Remember that as awful as this feeling is, it’s not permanent. Yes, it takes time and it’ll never completely go away but with the right tools and mindset you can help you to manage your grieving journey in a more positive way.
Remind yourself daily how amazing you are! Say to yourself:
You’ve got this! 🌻