Whether you’re considering a breakup, currently going through one, or dealing with the aftermath, you’ll likely be dealing with a whole range of emotions. When I temporarily separated from my husband, I felt completely lost, overwhelmed, upset, angry – and just about every emotion in-between. Of course, I talked it all through with my friends and family, but I wanted something more. However, I just didn’t know what support was available to me. In 2019, I decided to train to become a grief and loss coach, specialising in breakup and bereavement. Having worked with a coach myself, as well as becoming a coach, I’ve learnt about the amazing, supportive benefits achieved through coaching. But with so few breakup coaches here in the UK, lots of people have never even heard about us. So, wherever you are in your breakup journey I’d love to share with you some of the things that a breakup and divorce coach can help you with.
Breakup coaching isn’t just for post-breakup life. You could also consider working with a breakup or divorce coach if you’re currently in a relationship and unsure whether or not to walk away. With a breakup and divorce coach, you’ll be able to talk about all of the things that aren’t working in your relationship. Then, you can pinpoint the fundamental problems and decide where to go next.
Something I always do with my coachees is to help them figure out what they could do to improve the relationship. Together, we’ll create concrete actions for both themselves and their partners. I then encourage them to spend three months working on the agreed action points. After three months, we’ll have another chat about how they’re feeling. Three months is usually long enough to see results from any changes they’ve tried to make, or to realise that they’ve tried to make it work, but now is the time to move on.
In this way, pre-breakup coaching helps you gain clarity and keeps you accountable. You’ll be able to make a clear plan and talk about this with a coach in an unbiased, non-judgemental space.
Post-breakup life can be filled with feelings of rejection. And this can be the case whether you’ve decided to end a relationship, or whether this decision came from your partner.
Divorce and breakup coaching will support you to understand that even though you weren’t right for your partner, this doesn’t mean that you won’t be right for someone else. It’s about not letting someone else’s decision or opinion of you define who you are. You are good enough! And you are still capable and deserving of all of the happiness your future holds.
Working with a breakup and divorce coach will help you to work through those feelings of rejection and to build up your confidence and self-esteem.
When I temporarily separated from my husband, I felt as though I had let everyone down, our kids, our family, our friends – the list goes on. People who go through breakup and divorce often struggle with feelings of guilt and shame. You know that people will be angry and upset with you, and that they may not ever fully understand the decision you and your ex-partner have made.
By working with a breakup and divorce coach, you can begin to understand that it’s normal to feel guilty and ashamed, and that you won’t always feel these emotions so strongly. I support my coachees to get to a place where they don’t feel they need to be guilty. This means accepting that even though they can’t control other people’s opinions, they can control how they react to them. After all, other people’s opinions of you are their business – not yours!
Navigating co-parenting can be one of the most difficult issues following a breakup or a divorce.
It can be so frustrating to have to accept that your partner may have a different parenting style to you. And it’s also terrifying to have to give up some of the control you have over your children. Breakup and divorce coaching can help you to work through some of those fears and feelings of loss of control. You can work on some techniques and tactics to focus on the things that you can control and learn to let go of the things you can’t.
Working with a qualified breakup and divorce coach can also help you to understand more about the effects of co-parenting on your children. This can be such a difficult time for your children. And breakup coaching can support you to work out a co-parenting strategy that minimises any stress.
Another difficult aspect of post-breakup life is working out how to handle the in-laws. This is a really tricky area, especially when children are involved!
Breakup and divorce coaching can help you to examine the relationships you have with your in-laws. It will also help you to assess whether it’s healthy to maintain these relationships, or if it’s better to let them go. If your in-laws are the grandparents to your children, you could also talk about this with your breakup coach. Again, this can be an area where you’ll need to come to terms with some loss of control, especially if they’ll still be looking after and having a relationship with your kids.
And if you really don’t see eye-to-eye with your in-laws, breakup coaching can help you to understand that you don’t have to have a relationship with them, but that you can still be civil and polite. You can come and rant, complain or cry, but you’ll be able to get all of this out during your session. Together, we’ll develop a strategy for any uncomfortable scenarios. – Meaning that you will be able to walk away from any in-law drama with your head held high.
Let’s be honest. Nobody knows how to push our buttons like an ex-partner.
But working through the hurt and pain that comes from an ex-partner can help you to try and understand and unpick why they’re behaving the way they are – even when this is incredibly difficult! Are they being nasty because they’re hurting? Often, people do unimaginable, out-of-character things when they’re hurt or upset.
Working with a bereavement coach can help you to process unpleasant interactions with your ex. You’ll also use your time to learn to control and regulate your emotions and reactions. Once again, it’s about control. – You can’t control how your ex behaves, but you can control how you react. And it can be good to learn how to prepare for these interactions. It’s often useful to imagine all of the worst-case scenarios so that you’re prepared for anything. That way, you can be confident you’ll handle interacting with your ex with dignity and grace!
If you or someone you know is currently dealing with any of the issues in this article, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me.
Breakup and divorce coaching offers a safe, unbiased, non-judgemental space for you to come, talk, and work through your emotions. It’s a mixture of emotional and practical support that can help you to process what’s happened, where you are now, and where you want to be. Together, we’ll work on areas such as identity, self-love, self-esteem, clarity, purpose, and all of the other things that get lost along the way during a painful breakup.
You don’t have to suffer alone. Get in touch with me today to start your coaching journey.